The Scientist

I would not have it any other way than this. Because to deeply feel, is to be truly alive. Despite how much it can hurt, or drain you to the last atom of your body, it is completely worth it. Yeah, it is true, you can in a way save all that energy and channel it somewhat different, instead of investing into something that might turn out to be doomed or simply not worth your time, but just being out-there, embracing every second of the process, is what, ultimately, makes us human.

Even mistakes - that we usually tend to forgive the hardest to ourselves, while having understanding for all the others; it is all part of it, and we should not for a second feel bad about it. It's just had to happen that way. I choose to believe in good in people, no matter what. Life has hit me hard many times regarding that, but it is still my choice and it always will be. Because, if I lose that, what is it leaving me with? Rage, bitterness, darkness. It is all in our minds. And when it hurts the most, this is exactly when you push your hardest to forgive. Even if not deserved, it will heal you faster, it will prepare you for many more beautiful people to enter your life.

Do not ever blame yourself for giving yourself to the core, even if it wasn't received back. Do not ever think that you wasted anything, blaming yourself for who you actually are. It is a rollercoaster, this self-discovery journey, and the goal is to truly accept and love yourself like you would others. Even the love that hurts, is just trying to teach us, and push us closer to ourselves. And that should be the final and only destination in every path you choose. It all starts with you, but it also ends with you.

Someone might think this is stupid, not necessary and a complete nonsense. How can you do something like that to yourself? Where is the self-respect, or self-love in all of that? But tell me, where is the good in all that darkness you created yourself, but you keep blaming others for it's existence? Don't tell me it is not eating you alive, slowly and painfully. I've been there. Done that. I know better now. Always choose the light, even if it breaks you.

Every pain is only temporary, so it's happiness. What would you like to experience more? The toughest lesson of my life was to learn how to turn that pain into something bigger and more beautiful, but I've still made it. And I don't regret any second of it. If I never experienced all of that, I would never know the real meaning of gratitude, precious little moments and limited time we all have been given; not to be desperate and ugly, but to be happy. With ourselves and with each other.

There is simply no time not to cherish how you really feel. Now, this second. Embrace it, say it, let it be. If you keep it inside, it will never grow, it will never multiply. And trust me, the heights that this kind of love can reach are unbelievable. Don't be afraid you're going to lose it. It can only come back to you, even more graceful and magical. You just have to believe it.

"Tell me you love me, come back and haunt me, oh and I rush to the start. Running in circles, chasing our tails, coming back as we are."*

*Coldplay. The Scientist. A Rush of Blood to the Head. November 2002.

Copyright © Danijela Mališić. January2021. All Rights Reserved.

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