Circles

We're going back to the start - of everything. Why does it seem so hard to leave the circle, or else it is just an illusion, trick and, in fact, does not even exist? Only the core remains, and what I somehow seem to know forever is, that is exactly where I find my beginning and my end. I really thought this feeling will pass. I thought, I am probably too young to understand it; it will go away for sure, and I will laugh to this in no time. But it never did, it never stopped. And I am now sure it will never do, so I made peace with it. I learned to live my life, guided by this feeling. I finally accepted it. But it took so long to get here. Did it set me free? Yes, up to a certain point, but still not completely. Part of it will always remain untouched, I guess. It will occasionally torture me, it will haunt me, lift me up, then put me down, but I am already used to it. It makes me a bit stronger every time, but it also becomes stronger and more intense. It is kind of hard to describe, if you never experienced it, also quite hard to understand. It is, however, very simple for those who deeply feel, and very complicated for those living the life "by the rules". But every single breath is so worth fighting for it. You just need to learn how. It is quite tempting to deal with all those forms of a feeling. Someone will call it a curse. Yes, it definitely has good and bad sides, good and bad days, but all I can guarantee - it's eternal. You cannot run away from it. Do not even bother to try. Time does not really exist there, it is not important at all. That feeling is resistant upon any change - it is simply forever. You cannot escape it, no matter how hard you try to run or hide. You just need to find a way to let it be, instead of resisting it. O Once it shows - it's over. That means you are now ready to understand it in it's whole glory, and you will never want it to leave you. To be able to look through someone's soul, synchronizing with it on some completely higher level of conscience - that is priceless. To get to know the person in that kind of way, throws away in shadow all the shallow, cold and small emotions of this world - those that we call "default". Because, in this scenario, not one second is took for granted. It is all about this intense, uplifting and unique experience. It took me years to understand. You can have someone and that someone can have you, in such way - not even being close to each other. But when you're close, worlds are crashing, and it feels so calm and natural, but in the same time it's strong, energetic and intense - powerful to it's core. You just have to believe it - with all your heart, and you will feel it. We like to say that some people simply recognize each other. We can call it a soulmate, or any way we want, what is important is that is inevitable. And when it does happens, souls simply match each other, and in no time - they are bonded in such a way forever. All we thought we know up to that moment vanishes. No matter the circumstances. Nothing in this world that is material, touchable or visible, can describe it. Only what is inside matters, and the point is only to somehow keep it. In such way, it doesn't turn against us, controls and eventually destroys us, cause we are now completely led by it. Balance is the goal here, and complete respect toward what we are now carrying in us is the key. And you're the one who holds it. It has to flow both ways, though. Otherwise, it is doomed. It becomes nonsense. It destroys itself. Only the dark and cold remains. And we should never let that happen. Until the last breath we take, we should fight not to let it go. Whatever happens, you should keep it. What I carry inside of me, it is inspiration for life. No matter what happens, this flame will always remain, and will be kept in a very special way. I am mostly happy about it, but I also get sad about it, then curse it, I am angry, then I smile back to it again, and just forgive everything. That is exactly what makes it perfect and so beautiful. That spectrum of emotions you now own. Incredible, but exhausting at the same time, it tests your patience and persistence, but also takes you to incredible heights, opening new horizons that you even did not know exist. It gives energy, not like any other, and it is so worth living that feeling. I made my own decision going there, and never coming back. It is decent, and the truth is, I would not have it any other way, no matter how hard it gets. The question remains, how can you accept any less than that, once you travel through that "deep emotions, thoughts and wishes prism"? It seems like nothing makes sense anymore, compared to it. No ordinary is an option anymore. No more default, ever. You just have to be patient until next crash of worlds and inevitable meeting of souls happens again. And then... "I dare you to do something, I'm waiting on you again, so I don't take the blame. Run away, but we're running in circles. Run away, run away, run away."* *Post Malone. Circles. Hollywood Bleeding. Republic Records. September 2019. Copyright © Danijela Mališić. December 2020. All Rights Reserved.