Girl In The Green Scarf

There are those days when everything seems just lost, when you feel like giving up on fighting, when you torture yourself  asking questions, how the hell this happened again and was it worth it. Am I worth it? When you can barely speak of all those emotions you're drowning in, when you think you cannot face the world ever again and all you want to do is to scream at the top of your lungs. We cannot control who we love, but we can be more careful with how much we allow people. No one can protect you from the takers who have no limits, except for you. But you don't do that by trying to become one. You are you, for a reason.  There are those nights when it's cold, freezing cold. When darkness seems to be only thing that surrounds you. The only voice you can hear it's the voice of despair. You can hardly recognize yourself anymore. You are numb and you are lost. You think there is no coming back and you just lay there in the silence of eternity. But that's where you...

Everyone is experiencing deep emotions once in a while. But when you live with it forever, it's a game changer. Not that you know it any other way, as it's a genuine part of who you are and there's nothing much you can do about it. To care, to deeply care, about everything, about everyone - it can be very exhausting and devastating at times. But it's also amazing on so many levels, and totally worth it. For this to serve you well, you have to understand your limits, to learn how to set up the boundaries, otherwise, you will be constantly drowning; in your own feelings, but also in everyone else's.  It's a heavy burden to take. Blessing and a curse. Especially when you are young and trying to distinguish pieces of your own chaos. It can build you up and destroy you at the same time. However, the worst thing you can do, being this person, is to ignore that inner voice. It will tell you the great truth in a heartbeat, only if you listen. If you decide not to, it wi...

I would not have it any other way than this. Because to deeply feel, is to be truly alive. Despite how much it can hurt, or drain you to the last atom of your body, it is completely worth it. Yeah, it is true, you can in a way save all that energy and channel it somewhat different, instead of investing into something that might turn out to be doomed or simply not worth your time, but just being out-there, embracing every second of the process, is what, ultimately, makes us human. Even mistakes - that we usually tend to forgive the hardest to ourselves, while having understanding for all the others; it is all part of it, and we should not for a second feel bad about it. It's just had to happen that way. I choose to believe in good in people, no matter what. Life has hit me hard many times regarding that, but it is still my choice and it always will be. Because, if I lose that, what is it leaving me with? Rage, bitterness, darkness. It is all in our minds. And when it hurts the most,...

We're going back to the start - of everything. Why does it seem so hard to leave the circle, or else it is just an illusion, trick and, in fact, does not even exist? Only the core remains, and what I somehow seem to know forever is, that is exactly where I find my beginning and my end. I really thought this feeling will pass. I thought, I am probably too young to understand it; it will go away for sure, and I will laugh to this in no time. But it never did, it never stopped. And I am now sure it will never do, so I made peace with it. I learned to live my life, guided by this feeling. I finally accepted it. But it took so long to get here. Did it set me free? Yes, up to a certain point, but still not completely. Part of it will always remain untouched, I guess. It will occasionally torture me, it will haunt me, lift me up, then put me down, but I am already used to it. It makes me a bit stronger every time, but it also becomes stronger and more intense. It is kind of hard to des...

What is it, that can please the ego to the core of it's existence and need to feel important? To please it so strong, it will leave us unbothered by what other people do, think or feel. What is it, that really sets us free to live our lives the way we want, not the way "we should", led by other people's opinion. Is it even possible to define it? It might be individual, as "true bliss" for everyone can be differently represented; but then we find ourselves in a situation to collectively comment someone's idea, work of art, dedication or effort, that only has a purpose to move things from a "dead spot" and offer something different; and the first things showing are humiliation, anger, bitterness and ignorance. I cannot hold myself, but to question - what kind of life is that we are living, when everything that seems to be different is straight away judged and cursed to death? Is it possible that we are so much "buried" in a darkness of ...

This year was different. On so many levels. We were pushed into solitude like never before. Some of us broke, but some evolved. I always thought that you have to go through pain to understand stronger and deeper. Pain can be very constructive, if you just let it be. I've always been a fighter, survivor, but I also carry this feeling within me, everywhere I go. In case I need to use it again. While you are torn into these small pieces, it does not necessarily means you're a mess. Because every little piece of you has importance. Through life, we are releasing some of it, and gaining new ones, but they all stay within us forever. We should not be ashamed of anything we let go. Every little piece gave us something, and we would not be what we are today, if there was no letting go and embracing of new shapes, shades and colors. There are people who are obsessed with keeping the same form all their life. I am not one of those people. Maybe late, but I've learned that, the mor...

I wonder, what is the thing, that can permanently make us happy? It seems to me, that all those small, precious moments of "happiness" come and go very fast, somehow being shallow, and only enough to make it through the day; not to form something deeper and more stable, and to convince us to "catch it and never let go". I have a feeling that we are letting this happiness pass us by daily, because we are not capable to recognize it. It has different shapes and meanings for all of us, mostly not recognizable for others, and more often, note even for ourselves. Sometimes we think that what we have is enough and we cannot achieve more. Constantly scared that we might lose it, and in that exact moment, we realize that that is not what we were looking for. What do we need then? That's the thing. When everything we thought it's right, becomes all that is wrong, then what? How to discover "that something", without creating more illusions, or fooling oursel...